I wasn't scared at all when I first said yes to the talk. I loved the challenge of coming up with a new talk for an audience of law students -- and I was confident I could do it; after all, doing keynote presentations is how I've made my living for the past seven years.
But by about a week prior to the event, I hadn't yet been able to formulate what I was going to say to the lawyers. It made me a touch concerned but I still figured it was no cause for alarm.
It wasn't until 3 days before the event that I actually started to get worried. Each time I sat down and tried to scrawl out an outline, I'd end up feeling like I'd come up short - - very short. The rapidly approaching deadline of my scheduled talk was beginning to really scare me.
I suppose that one of my deepest fears is failing miserably in front on an audience, and at the expense of my host. I have failed miserably before, but that was centuries ago when fewer people were involved, and less money. I bill myself as a consummate professional now, and I expect nothing less from myself. The tag line I gave my company is, "Expect something extraordinary." Quite the opposite of what I was now fearing, "Expect me to completely blow it."
It was Tuesday and my lawyer keynote was Thursday at 10 am. I stayed up until 5:30 am trying to piece together a script. I fell asleep and woke at 8 am. The first thing I did when I crawled out of bed was look over my all-night work -- with fresh eyes, I could see it was shit. It would not satisfy an audience of lawyers. It would not meet them where they are at and take them to a new level. It was lacking in humor. Too much of it was experimental, a sure-fire mistake for a presenter. Now I was really scared.
I did a talk that afternoon, and then boarded a plane bound for the city where the lawyers were convened. The entire flight I frantically scratched ideas, notes and outlines across my yellow pad of paper. I know crap when I see it. The simple but powerful theme that brings a brilliant presentation together like a mondo-magnet was eluding me. I was becoming so frightened about the obligation I faced -- in a matter of less than 12 hours -- that I began wishing I'd never said yes to this invitation to speak.
I pictured I would walk onto stage and start with a joke. The joke would go well, but the audience would sense my lack of confidence and remain defensive. I pictured a sea of lawyers, arms folded, staring at me with the motionless expression that says, "You're boring me. I can't believe they picked you to keynote this entire conference." I pictured whispering and shuffling while I drew a blank on what to say next. Worst of all, I pictured the upset look on my host's face as he realized he would be criticized for his choice of speakers.
I gave up on scribbling notes and started praying for divine inspiration. "Please God, give me a unifying theme." Nothing came to mind.
I arrived in my hotel room at midnight. Now I only had 10 hours left. I called Deanna, my wife, who is also a speaker. She was anxious to tell me the details of her day. I had no time for that. I cut her off immediately, crying out, "Deanna, I'm in big trouble. You've gotta help me. My talk is in 10 hours and I have no idea what to say to these lawyers. As a matter of fact, I don't think I have anything to offer them. I mean, they don't need advice on college. They already know the habits that make people successful, and I doubt that they'd relate to my greatness talk since it's so un-money oriented and un-conventional."
Deanna has helped me through some moments of insecurity before, but she'd never heard me this out-of-whack. It was embarrassing to let her see this weakness. But she did exactly what I was hoping she'd do. "Patrick, you have lots of things to say to them. You have lots of great stories they need to hear. You're giving them far more credit than they deserve. Tell them the story about..." Her confidence in me and my stories began to help immediately. "What other stories should I tell them?" I humbly went on asking. When she was done, and I could see the list of stories she believed in, I found myself dramatically re-encouraged.
I got off the phone and script flowed out quickly and effortlessly. I was tapped into the internal voices in myself that are supremely confident about what to say. I even had my powerful unifying theme, thank God. I fashioned a Power Point presentation. I even had time for 4 hours of sleep.
In the morning I did my talk. The lawyers were really into it. My host was standing off to the side and had an excited look on his face. And I got a standing ovation.
It's not that I like to tell stories about my collapses. I'd rather you think I'm totally together (in case you're thinking of booking me to speak). But the fact of the matter is that we all have fears and insecurities that threaten to hold us back, shut us down, or worst of all, kill us slowly.
An executive approached me recently after a talk and commented, "I'd love to be a consultant. I did it once and it was the best experience I've ever had in my career. But I never went into consulting because of the fear that I'd run into a problem I couldn't solve. The thought of a company going under, and lots of people losing their jobs because I couldn't come through when they were really depending on me ... that thought stops me."
The executive was letting fear get the best of him. We don't want to reach a point where, because of fear, we say no to opportunities or dreams. We want to keep "going for it" in life. We want to stay focused on what we've got to gain, rather than what we've got to lose.
The executive might have found his blissful path in life -- consulting -- if he'd known the strategy that the most successful use to beat their fears. The CEO of Coca Cola was once asked what he thought separated the ones who make it to the top from the ones who failed. The CEO answered, "The ones who make it to the top are excellent at asking for help." It was an unexpected, but perfect, answer. Indeed, reaching out to Deanna before my lawyer talk wasn't the first time requesting help has saved my butt. And certainly, if the executive did ever run into a situation that was over his head, he could have turned to other consultants, who he would surely be networked to by then, and asked for help.
Without a doubt, asking for help is almost always the best remedy for our most challenging moments. When you have fears and insecurities about doing something, ask someone who believes in you, "Do you think I can pull this off? Can you help me with any advice?" What a difference some help makes.
Until next week, be great.
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"The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one."
Elbert Hubbard
"Neither you nor the world knows what you can do until you have tried."
Ralph Waldo Emerson
"The real dividing line is passion. As long as you believe that what you're doing is MEANINGFUL, you can cut through fear and exhaustion and take the next step."
Arlene Blum
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